2021 team event - The Emperor's Throne - Round 1

[GDod]

From the office of GDod, Captain to the Reincarnated Wanyan Yongji - Seventh Emperor of the mighty Jurchen Jin dynasty.

Dearest commanders of the Eight Banners of the Jianzhou, Haixi and Yeren tribes, greetings


The time is almost upon us to summon our tribal rebel friends to finally deal with these Korean lackies and this Pangpei turncoat.

To this end, the emperor charges Ālán, Zhenguo jiangjun Defender General and Groom of the Stool and Dang Ming the Merciless and their Manchu military maniacs of mayhem to mash the menacing Ming multitude mercilessly.

Moreover, this is a perfect opportunity for a timely reminder that it is still prohibited in Jurchen culture to use dog skin. Neither should you harm, kill, or eat dogs. Remember that the usage of dog skin by these Koreans should be regarded as the "utmost evil" and under no circumstances should you visit their fast-food outlets in the Shaanxi province.

Gulp.jpg (16.75 KiB) Viewed 4185 times

[pompeytheflatulent]

To Sun Chuanting, Governor of Shaanxi:

Disaster! While the rebel Li Zicheng was locked in the stocks in the village square for failing to pay me back his loans, err I mean refusing to rat out his fellow rebels, a group of smelly unwashed peasants, led by one Kiwiwarlord, freed him and took him to their mountain hideout, where they proclaimed him to be the leader of their rebel band. Although Li Zicheng is the nominal leader, informants have indicated that the true mastermind is none other than Kiwiwarlord, the smelliest and least washed among all revolting peasants. A group of local Ming soldiers sent to capture the rebels dropped their weapons and ran for their lives as soon as they got close enough to get a whiff of the stench coming from said rebel's unwashed bodies, so these revolting peasants now have access to real weapons. This peasant revolt is now spreading as fast as a foul stench on the wind!

Pangpei, commander of Ming troops in the Yan'an prefecture, northeast Shaanxi.

[pompeytheflatulent]

To General Ahuyton, commander of the Ming Imperial Guard in Beijing:

Rumors have been spreading among the Ming soldiers in Shaanxi that their emperor, the Chongzhen Emperor GDod, 17th emperor of the Ming Dynasty, have been seen wandering about in a fevered daze, confused about his own identity. Some rumors claim that his majesty Emperor GDod have been seen stumbling out of the capital as if drugged or in a trance, insisting that he was a Manchu official. Last reported sightings of our emperor place him just north of the Great Wall, where he was seen wandering about with a desiccated corpse he dug up from who knows where. I shudder to imagine what goes on during those cold and lonely nights north of the Wall. I implore you, general Ahuyton, to launch an immediate expedition to recover our emperor and deliver him safely back to Beijing, as well as arresting anyone you find with his majesty on suspicion of drugging and kidnapping the emperor.

Pangpei, commander of Ming troops in the Yan'an prefecture, northeast Shaanxi.


P.S. I have sent with this letter a box containing a toupee. Since the last sighting of our emperor has him with a Manchu-style Queue haircut, it would be absolutely devastating for troop morale if our Ming soldiers saw their emperor in the hairstyle of their arch-enemies. Unfortunately due to the short notice the only material available to make the toupee was rat hair, please do not tell the emperor that for I fear that he would absolutely refuse to wear the toupee if he knew, troop morale be damned. I hope to have a better made wig waiting at Beijing for when you return to the capital with our emperor safe in hand.

[ahuyton]

I fear that I am occupied in searching for the elusive Wang Dong to get news of his fight with the esteemed Snuggles. Once the courier arrives I can turn my attention to the Great Gdod.

[ahuyton]

My messenger from farthest Korea has finally arrived with the news of shattering defeat for the Emperor's allies.

So we move to Round Two, where Emperor Gdod and his generals defend their new-found throne.