A Aequian AAR by Span

[anguille]

From Rags to slightly less dirty Rags- A Aequian AAR by Spangly

Before I start I would just like to Give a bit of a Idea of what im working with.

1 city~Carsoli
Tribal
Income=30~ Iron
15~ wood
3 (yes 3!) food
My Neighbors include a bunch of people with good (or moderate) relations twords me...Except 1: Rome.

My Starting army is The basic tribal army
1 Hill Tribe-1 Archer-1 Javelin

My ultimate goal is to control as much land as it takes to become the overlord of Italia.

Wish me luck! The first post will be up soon.

(OOC: Some Tribes and cities have quite complicated names so if I misspell something please tell me)

Hello, my name is OOOGG, the royal scribe to the grand Puba, GROG. Our great leader came to power in an election were he ran the Vicious Despot party. He ran against somebody named Al Gore of the 'Democratic' party and won by a landslide. Soon he left his hill tribe to take power in our largest village of Carsoli. Here he found an amazing abundance of ore, and a blacksmith to smelt it. Pleased, he checked our Lumber industry and discovered a above average surplus of it. Thinking this trend of a awkwardly powerful economy for a single city would continue into the food ditrict, he went to go see it. After about three hours of looking for it he swallowed his pride and asked a local merchant for directions and he pointed at a small hut down the street. In it, the local Ritual man kept a 4x4 area of cabbage, witch was the jist of our food production.

Our leader, annoyed at the fact the most building will require years of waiting to build, decided to form the grandest army in our tiny nations history and to conquer some food for himself. He sent diplomats to all friendly lands and offered a alliance to anyone that would accept. Next season the Senones, Estruscans, North Oscans, and the Volscians all allied with us, forming a strong but brittle alliance. But that mattered little to king GROG, he just wanted to scare the Romans. As he developed a powerful army he made plans for what he would do with it. North of us lay the city state of the Sabines and a city that specialized in Iron BUT had some planes and hills for cattle. Soon a eight man, medium sized army formed, thanks to a small fort that put the nation in the red in terms of food, so GROG had it sold after the army was upgraded. He put general BOB at the head of the army. The Man was described as a millitary genius by his piers and graduated at the top of his class.

Soon our nations youth marched ito the Sabine city of Reate and attacked thier standing army knowing that if they failed their entire family would be raped as king GROG decided to leave the city with no defence. Both armies got pep talks before the battle.

Sabine General: Men of the great Sabinese republic! Today you fight for glory, honer, and all that we hold dear! If you die today let it not be in vane for our people are great, greater than these barbaric savages. Let us march with all that our souls consider great, flowing through our viens and turn back this unruly mob!!
Troop:*scattered Polite Clapping*

General BOB: yoU FIGht GooDLY tODAy ANd MAke MeaN SabYNE PEoplE NO HAppY.
Troops *Defeaning Roar!*

The Battle was a very simple fight between our hill tribes and his hill tribes with us simply overwellming him (2 to 1)

*post battle*

Advisor: Sir, our medicine men are healing who they can but the cassualties were rather high on both sides.

BOB: YoU HURteD?!?!

Advisor: Well I did scrape my Knee but ill be-

BOB: mE MUst PuT YOU OUt OF MIseRy!

Advisor: No! Ill be fi- *LOP*

New Advisor: Ummm, nows not the time to kill random people sir, we have to settle in for a siege.

BOB: ME CliMB WALl AnD HuRt Bad pEople likE ThIS

BOB then killed the advisor and the nearest living person, another advisor, just for good measure. Then he climbed the wall and killed a third of the population and the mayor and inserted a new mayor, all in the span of five minutes.

Back at the palace we recieved reports of the Sabines taking Faleri. GROG had to wait for the army to reform and to finish the training of some new advisors for BOB before he sent the army to Faleri.

When the Army reached Faleri the battle was simple but brutal. Two walls of steel slamed together and the cost of faleri was 2 veteran hill tribes, around 30 other soldiers, and 8 advisors. Again though BOB scaled the wall and captured the city for our nation.

All was at peace (not really, infact outside our borders WW1 raged with many of my allies killing eachother) but for how long?

Need to get to Rome? Follow the Bodies...

King GROG traveled the empire, checking the industry and starting new projests. Slowly but surely Carsoli grew into a millitary fortress and soon pumped out impressive huge armies. We again began to prepare for war. The victim? Our old friend, the North Oscans. Why? They are a rather weak nation with alot of resources but not enough food to truly USE all those other resources. When we had a massive 8 man army completly upgraded to huge size we attacked one of there cities whos name is lost in the cronicles of history.

Advisor: Sir, how shall we place our soldiers?

BOB: smOOPy...

Advisor: K...

*The battle is a massive victory, they were just overwhelmed*

Advisor: You are truly agreat man! Infac-

BOB: IM NoT SpaM!!!! *Lop*

New Advisor: Pl- Please dont hurt me...

After the victory we were too weak to move on to a new city (OOC:I think I found a bug, none of my soldiers were seriusly hurt but I lost 3 whole units?)so we waited and watched as the north oscans move into striking range of Reate with a massive army that could have taken Reate by sneezing at them. Suddenly, while GROG attempted to weaken Reate as mush as possible before they took it they OFFERED PEACE! GROG, shocked, signed it and wrote the words "No Foolies?!" In the corner. GROG rebuilt the army quickly to strike again while they were weak and still 'under the influence' or whatever. Suddenly, Rome felt that it needed to be at war on all of its borders and declared war on me. GROG Canceled the invasion of the North Oscans and moved the main army tword Hernici. Rome attacked my capital of Carsoli, where a large army of hill tribes and a few javelin troops waited.

BOB: SOmE TimES IM a PREEtty ChiPMuNK!!!

Advisor:Huh? Whatever, Sir we need to le- *Lop*

New Advisor: -ave. We are losi- *LOP*

Newer Advisor: -ng the battle, there is lit-*LOP*

Newest Advisor: -tle chance of victory...*LOP*

BOB: ME CharrRrG MeaN RoMAN PoOP FAcES

*BOB then charged to the front of the losing battle and started throwing dirt at the Romans, confusing them and breaking their ranks*

GROG: You alone have built and saved this empire. For this you are honered with the Imperial Iron star. You will now be regarded as the greatest man in our great empire. What do you have to say, General?

BOB: mE AM SOooO hORny!

We soon attacked Hernici, a interesting batlle THAT was...

BOB: whY AlL OuR SOLDieRs HurT? THey NOT BeaaTING RomaNS! rOmaN MeN bE StuOPId MoNKEys!

*BOB then, using a advisor as a sheild and another as a sword, single handedly beat the living crap out of all the Roman troops. Though both sides broke we got the city. But it was a phyric victory as our horribly weakened army was facing 3 roman armies, all in striking range*

Party poopers!-Part 1

Ive decided that the last year of my nations existance will be written out in 3 short posts.

The fall of Hernici is considered by many to be the point in the Empire when it all went wrong. BOB was on holiday in the Splendid area of Reate when it all began. A attack by the Roman on Hernici was expected, and came, and it came HARD! They threw a massive legion at the small garrison and the two forces met on the field. Our army lined up to try to crush the peasents on the left flank and circle around. But when the battle began it was clear that we were screwed. A little surprise our clearly mentally challenged scouts couldnt see was the HUGE divisions of Equites that were able to simply walk over my weakened army.

GROG sent word to get BOB to Faleri before the next battle there got under way, and our empire held it breath.

Awwwww Crap!!-Part 2

BOB never reached Faleri in time to save it and we were forced to put a quite suspicius Falerian in charge. The last we had heard of BOB was a postcrard he sent us with a picture of the Greatwall and the words "Wish you were here!!" on the front. BOB also wrote "mE ThiNKEd i tOoOKEd a rONg TUrN" on the back.

The battle of Faleri began well enough we had ALOT of cavalry and, had a competent man been in chage, we should have won. But the man GROG had given command to was a Roman simpathiser and when our cavalry crashed into the Roman troops our comander ordered one trumpeteer to play Jazz while the other played parade music. The resulting sound confused and scared our troops, causing some to go insane, some to lose there hearing, and others to commit suicide by dousing themselfs in kerosine and lighting themself on fire. The only good thing about this was the commander was beaten to death by the Romans who also had to hear the noise.

BOB continued his trek to get home. But would it be in time...

Well, it was nice wile it lasted...-Part 3

BOB finally made it home, with him he brought a shirt that said "I Survived Wild water kingdom" and a "Mickey Mouse" hat, I believe he called it, and waited with a massive army in Carsioli, our capital. The Romans marched to the city of hope and, in a few months, attacked.

BOB stood at the front wearing nothing but his new Wild water kingdom shirt. This scared both sides of the battlefield, mainly the Romans who had seen him defeat them with dirt, and now thought he was preparing for the toughest fight of his life. The truth is he just forgot his pants but thats besides the point. Our army was MASSIVE. 12 huge groups of soldiers! 10 hill tribes, 2 archers stood against a legion, 3 peasants 2 auxilary, 2 velites. I would like to go into the detail of BOB's planning but there was none. Just a line of hill tribe warriors backed by some archers. The two armys colided and the battle was just a systematic sloughter of the Romans. But slowly our soldiers started to break, not quickly or suddenly, but gradualy 3 groups of hill tribes broke, then a forth, then it happened.

BOB was at the front of the fight on horse, picking up advisers and using them like javelins. When some Roman took his shirt off his back and ran away gigling. Its needless to say that Roman was then ran down and ripped apart by BOB, but then a stray javelin hit BOB in the heart and he fell to the ground. His surviving advisors rushed up to him and asked if he was alright. His last words were " IT WaS AlwaYS ThE EvIL HEDgeHOg ThEAT WAs ThE SMOOfer, noT thE ChIPMunK..." Both sides stoped fighting for a moment and looked at eachother in confusion. Then all 8 (YES *8*!) of my remaining soldiers broke in perfect unison! Carsioli was lost...

Upon hearing the news GROG commited suicide in his Reichstag building, before the Romans could capture him. what was once a great empire stand in ruin. The remaining staff ran away to our allies, leaving the remaing two cities empty, and they were soon taken over by the Romans and I OOOOOG abandoned our dream and ran. Were will my next adventure take me? I hope someplace not bordering Rome...