How to play Panzer Corps the way it should be played 101

[CroCop96]

It is imperative that you play the game according to Heeresdienstvorschrift, or Army service regulations. Also, inspiration can be gained from reading Sven Hassel's books, participating in thematic airsoft, reenactment etc.

First of all, the grooming standard. This is not a game about the Kriegsmarine unlike some other games by this company, and thusly you are not permitted to wear a beard. Like a true General der Panzertruppen, it is your duty to lead your men by example, and that entails being cleanly shaven.

Secondly, the outfit. It is essential that you portray the elegance of a Wehrmacht officer. If not in possession of an M36 coat or the ''Panzer wrap'', due to the hard logistical situation, you are allowed to substitute it with an Ersatz-coat. It can be a regular coat or a trench coat, or even a bath robe, preferably Feldgrau.
Naturally, it should have the appropriate Litzen or service branch colours on the collar: our gorgeous Panzer pink or, perhaps, the elegant cavalry yellow, if you have served with the Kaiser's Life Guards Hussaren back in the glorious days of WW1.
You are to wear a leather belt, brown or black, over your coat. A pistol holster is to be attached to it at your right hip.
Next, never be coverless. You are to wear the Feldmutze, Garnisonmutze, or the Schirmmutze. A Bundeswehr Garnisonmutze is an acceptable substitute.

The location.
Using your Klappspate field shovel, you are to dig yourself a command bunker in your backyard, furnish it with basic wooden furniture, and lead electric cables from your room to your command post's Feld-Komputer.
It is desirable for the roof to leak water, snow, and also for the wind to blow through freely to set you in the proper mood.
If for some reason you haven't conquered some Lebensraum outside of your flat, you are to turn your room into your command post. Sandbags on the window, an MG42 or at least a broom protruding out, maximally 1 weak light bulb. Break up the wooden floor and establish a bonfire with a cooking pot on it.

Next, the Waffen. Although you are commanding, a true officer will lead from the front and be perilously close to danger.
If in possession of an airsoft or real steel Luger or P38, put it on the table.
If you have an MP40 or a K98, lean them against the table.
Always be ready for a sudden Russian attack on your command post.
If you have a couple of Stielhandgranaten, stuff them in your boots.
Oh, yes, the boots. Any leather boots will do, including the Timberlands, as long as they are spit-polished to true Prussian standards.
If playing after '42-'43, you can even wear a pair of ankle boots or Schnurschuhen, but you have to have a pair of Gamaschen properly aligned.

Furthermore, the music. Noble and manly music invigorates the spirit, as the great warrior poet Homer said, and so you should listen to proper music to incite you to great deeds. Messing with the game files and putting your music into the game is Streng Verboten, so you should have two folders of music on your smartphone: ''normal music'' and ''abnormal music''.
The ''normal'' folder is for your free time and can contain music such as rock, metal, punk, etc., but remember that swing and other decadent Musik is Verboten in ze Reich.
The ''abnormal'' folder should contain all the best German military songs from the 16th century Landsknecht-Lieder to Bundeswehr songs, but chiefly Wehrmacht songs.
Blast that shit on at least 19/41 volume.

The atmosphere.
If you've digged yourself a proper bunker, everything is in order.
If you have the Ersatz-command post in the form of your converted room, the regulations dictate:
If summer, turn on the air cooling until the temperature is below zero degrees Celsius.
If winter, open up your windows and switch off the heating.

Next, the living essentials.
Zigaretten, in copious quantities. Weiss Marlboro is preferred, to be chainsmoked at all times.
Then, the Bier. If true German beer is unavailable due to logistics, any beer will do, except the captured Yankee piss-water.
Some Schnapps to be consumed on only two occasions: if it is the morning, and if it isn't the morning.
The Kaffee. Gut Italienische coffee prepared in your field ration on a bonfire in the middle of your room using wood from the parquet (floor) would be best, but you can also drink the Ersatz-Kaffee, the instant kind.
Food is also of some importance, it should always be Wehrmacht-issued canned food, from cornbeef to tuna, the choice is up to you. Always stock up on cans of various food before engaging the enemy. If food is unavailable, like a true German, you can survive on beer and cigarettes (and faith in ze Endsieg, naturally).

The interruptions, sabotage etc.
If a garrison (''household'') member enters your command post and obstructs your battleplans, give them a proper Prussian verbal thrashing tantrum for sabotaging the war effort, then dress them up according to regulations listed above, promote them to a good sounding yet useless rank like Oberleutnant (for we all know that lieutenants are the most useless people in all world armies ever), and sit them in the chair next to you to function as a chief of staff for advising you in the course of action, and as an Ordonanz for supplying you with the living essentials in case you run out of them.
If you have a pet like a cat, a bear, or a panther, it must have the proper rank (lower NCO ranks like Hauptgefreiter will do), soldier's book, and name like Stalin to mock the enemy.

I hope I helped you brave Landsers to properly play this game, as the founding fathers intended.
And remember, for any questions, Heeresdienstvorschrift is your Bible, Talmud and Quran!

[Buffalohump]

Ha! Very funny! Good party, but no whiskey. We go now.

But seriously, very funny.

[JagdpanzerIV]

You forgot your daily injection of methamphetamine and vitamins to keep playing non-stop!

(yes, it's a joke...)

[thewhitewhale]

If you live in an apartment, you can also make friends with your upstairs Kameraden and have them stomp loudly while you're playing, to simulate Russian artillery falling on glorious Berlin.

[Akkula]

Sounds fun, will try it.

[JagdpanzerIV]

If you live in an apartment, you can also make friends with your upstairs Kameraden and have them stomp loudly while you're playing, to simulate Russian artillery falling on glorious Berlin.

funny!