(Legal Disclaimer: This is not an actual guide or any sort of attempt at a serious handling of the subject. It is instead a tongue-in-cheek collection of pessimistic viewpoints on how the game works sometimes. Anyone who has played me in the Digital League has probably witnessed my strange penchant for pessimism about the fate of my army.......even when I am in possession of a 10% lead with flanking forces in place and ready to go. What can I say, there are many approaches to battle. Feel free to add your own satirical FoGII rules in the comments.)
Fundamental Mechanics
1) Everything that can go wrong, WILL go wrong when you least expect it.
2) That's it, that's the only mechanic.
Rules of Ranged Combat
- All units and numbers being equal, your opponent will disrupt your units with 2 volleys, while it will take 3 volleys from your units to do the same.
- You hold your fire so as to gain the no-movement damage bonus next turn; as such, your opponent fires first and your units are disrupted, rendering your choice moot.
- You fire first to hopefully disrupt your opponent, only to watch them hold firm. The return volley mows down your troops like a scythe through wheat.
- You can shoot lightly armored zealots as much as you like, they will never fail a cohesion test.
- You will somehow always run out of ammo before your opponent does. (Thanks Killroy)
Much Ado About Melee Combat
- Enemy impact foot charges will hit your line like a ton of bricks. Meanwhile, your own impact foot will clearly be armed with plastic squeaky hammers when charging the enemy.
- The high quality heavy infantry you trust to hold the line will double drop to Fragmented as soon as it is most inconvenient.
- The garbage quality medium infantry you desperately need to roll over with your cavalry will hold firm for multiple turns, no matter their cohesion state.
- A negative melee result of 10% is more likely to happen than the positive result of 50% that you really need RIGHT NOW PLEASE GOD. This is a fact.
- Light cavalry are functionally immortal in melee combat. Especially vs. pikes.
- Someone tied the laces of the running shoes of your foot skirmishers together.
- Enemy skirmishers make Usain Bolt look like some kid with asthma and a limp.
- When breaking one of your units, enemy cavalry will magically find the nearest unguarded bottom, and just start spanking. The result will be what can only be described as a cascade of terror.
- When breaking an enemy unit, your cavalry will go on an extensive road trip somewhere far, far away from the battlefield.
- Your lights will choose to evade, rather than stand, when charged by even inferior troops.
- Your evaders will choose the worst possible path by which to flee. (Thanks Karvon)
Morale of the Story
- None of your superior routers rally.
- Expect enough enemy routers to rally to deny you victory, especially on the last turn. (Courtesy of Karvon)
Terrain
- If you have a cavalry army, the spawned battlefield will feature more mountains than Switzerland.
- If you have a heavy infantry army, the battlefield will be rockier than the surface of the moon.
- If you rely on medium infantry, enjoy the open steppe that shall be your final resting place.
- As soon as the map loads, it's over Anakin, because your opponent has the high ground.
~Fin~
