Extract from the diary of Corporal Nobby Stocker, Army of Portugal; English Longbow Contingent 1370AD
I asked sergeant Cartwright first fing this morning, “Ooh we fighting today Sarge”, I said.
He looked at me serious like,
“Were you asleep in the briefing again Stocker. 25th Dynasty Egyptian, that’s who”.
25th Dynasty imagine that. What happened to the previous 24 I'd like to know? I can’t be ‘aving with these foreign ways. Always chopping and changing. You look as us English we’ve been ruled by the Plantagenet’s for over two hundred years now and what a glorious time we’ve had. Not counting the crippling taxes, constant famine and occasional plague that is. Still mustn’t grumble. I don’t hold with any of this traitorous talk about bein’ ruled by foreigners neither. Just because they were born in France and speak French don’t mean there not as English as you or I.
Anyway we formed order of battle. Me and the rest of the Longbows was on the left flank, standing in a muddy field surrounded by cow pats. There were no cows due to the fact that we ate em last night. Very tasty they were too. The spear and the rest of the English, held the centre whilst the Portuguese nobility was on the right. The enemy was formed up in a similar fashion. Bow and terrain troops on the right, spear in the middle and believe it or not, chariots on the left. Chariots in this day and age. The missus would never believe this un.
We advanced first and the enemy came towards us. A right bunch they were, twice as many as us, all wearing skirts. I ask you what will Jonny foreigner think of next, not a decent pair of strides between them. Screeching like girls they was too. Coming on dammed fast, skirts and tackle flapping in the breeze. Very unnerving it was. Still never let it be said that Nobby Stocker was scared of anything wearing a dress. With the exception of Mrs Stocker that is. Very formidable woman is my old lady, especially when carrying a rolling pin. I aint seen er now for nigh on two year. Such is the lot of the common soldier, and long may it continue I say.
So we stood firm and gave em a volley. This put the wind up em and slowed em down no end. They milled around for a while and we peppered em again. I thought this would see em off but they charged onward lobbing javilens as they came. Next thing you know we was in the thick of it. I put down me trusty bow and drew Betsy. I hacked to the left and slashed to the right. To give em their due these lads was brave, but no match for your proper soldier and we soon saw em off.
This was a chance to draw breath and check out how the battle was go’in. On our left our comrades in arms the Portuguese bow and mounted crossbow had dealt with the enemy bow and skirmishers. Trusty lads those. But things were not going so well in the centre.
The enemy spear, Greek mercenaries, was advancing on our spear wall. They looked a tough bunch of lads despite wearing skirts (foreigners!!). Armored and carrying spears. Marching like they was on the parade ground, all discipline and order. I can recognize a fellow professional a mile off and these boys was the business. I didn’t think our less than steady Portuguese colleagues would last. Fortunately neither did the general and the plan was for the Spear to draw ‘em in while our English Nobles worked their way onto the flank. Now our nobs are not like their European types. They don’t ride horses to war, on account, they say as they can fight better on foot. Personally I think it’s because they’re all riddled with the gout and can’t stay in the saddle. Unfortunately things didn’t quite go to plan. The brave nobility got a bit bogged down in the fields and arrived too late to save the spears who just crumpled on the first impact. The Greeks turned smart as you like and were ready and waiting when our boys reached ‘em. Who were now all cream crackered on account of having run through a field. That and the fact that they are all a bit over fond of a full English. They was gettin’ hammered. Luckily the local Portuguese general saw what was going on and led a plucky bunch of peasants in a charge into the Greek rear. (Yours truly would not be seen dead near a Greeks rear, believe you me). Not so luckily this general had been on the port all morning and immediately fell off is ‘orse and got skewered on a spear. The peasants was somewhat disheartened by this but carried on regardless, where as our brave lads promptly turned tail and legged it. They were over that green hill and far away before you could say fried sausages. The Greeks then turned smartish again and finished of the peasants.
So the centre was lost. This meant everything depended on the right flank where the Portuguese Aristocrats had been left to sort out the Egyptian chariots. Unfortunately one group of nobs got distracted by more Greeks and spent the rest of the day in ever more pointless charges against a solid spear wall. How bold. How brave. How stupid. The rest supported by the Jinetes overran one bunch of chariots but where eventually surrounded and wiped out to the last man.
So there you go. We lost and that was the end of that. We beat a quick retreat before things turned really nasty. I saw Sergeant Cartwright later that evening. He told me we were off back to blighty. He said I would be able to spend more time with the misses. Gawd ‘elp me!!!!!
Extract from the diary of Corporal Nobby Stocker, Army of Po
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Ninthplain
- Corporal - Strongpoint
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 6:25 pm
Very Good
A differant bar has been raised.
since the Portugese can now afford one with all that Danish loot 
