First I visited our messy hometown, and boy was it extra messy: I had never seen such a huge town in my whole life! But the emissary who brought me here (which was named "Blaincheek" for a good reason) explained: "Listen pub, I have seen far bigger villages then this, Sparta for example, a settlement in our neighbourhood is a small village!" I thought about this important matter, and decided that our beloved messy hometown should also become a small village, and as I was now a King they started immediately with improving the town of Messene.
Then I wanted to know about all the Countries around us, and if they posed any threat to the Kingdom, and to my freedom. I really hated the farm life, and don't want to go back! Especially not as as slave, I always kicked the slaves we had into the groins, and that's mighty unpleasant!
I decided to make goody good friends with the Arcadians (which are famous for their games) and asked my counsellor Euaimon the Blaincheek to go to them for improving our relations. That was in August.
I was mighty afraid of the Spartans, as they had many more settlements then us, and a bigger Hometown to boot! So I was very happy to see them Helots rise up during August against their masters, maybe they got one groin kicking too much? To my dismay they where taken care of quickly by the Spartans, and I proceeded with my usual beeing King by proclaiming: "More Wine, and I mean: Bring it yesterday!"
Blaincheek send me a nice letter upon his arrival in Arcadia the Game town, and asked me what we where developing currently, and what my plans for our nemesis, the evil Eleans would be. Unfortunately I had forgotten to set development priorities, and needed to think of something quick, for not to get the eternal groin kickage.
So I quickly said, lets develop Copper now, copper is something we lack desperately! Fortunately no one noticed that we where developing nothing usefull earlier, and the benefits of more copper would bring a quick and early death to our enemies!
I send a quick letter back to Blaincheek, telling him to flatter the Arcadians, so to make friends with them, and after two attempts he actually succeeded in it.
Then a horrible battle ensued between us and the Barbarian horde, and many brave men died... As if I care! We won , that's what counts! And after much research, in Oktober the Year after I went to my throne, I could upgrade my simple barrack in Messene to a light infantry one.
Now it was time for my genius plan to unfold: I recruited as many Prodromois, Astynomias and Javelinmen as I could (which where only one each), and about 5 Thracians. Then I send out the whole force to attack... well whom would you attack?
Exactly! I attacked not the Spartans who hated my guts as much as they didn't care for their helots, or the evil nemesis of mine, the Eleans, no, I attacked the Arcadians, of course not before I called my good friend Blaincheek back to our hometown. I was met with little to no resistance:
Soon I had enough copper to field a second big army of Thracians, and I proceeded by attacking the Eleans.
By now no one could stand in the way of the mighty messy me, and even though I lost some unimportant battles, I was always able to field such huge armies that my opponents had no chance against me, so that I died in the year 20 of my regentship, and was the first leader the Messenians had, who died not as slave, but as a free men.
