Dear Prince (or is it Lysol, I know it was some sort of ****hole)
I have been following your thread with some interest. Every now and again we get some obsessed individual behaving oddly. In the years we have been making games not a single one of them has turned out to be a genuine individual who has purchased the product in an honest way. We usually start to get suspicious when the writer gets reticent about the details of how and where the game was purchased.
When we rumble them they generally have the good grace to slip quietly back to where they came from, so I am sure an astute guy like yourself can appreciate our scepticism.
Our reputation for supporting genuine gamers is something we are justly proud of and will not be affected by any form of irrational behavior and for that reason none of our technical staff will respond to you from here on in, no matter how often you change your user name until you supply us with a few basic details that will allow us to check the veracity of your claim. I am sure that an informed individual like yourself will appreciate this.
So far your entire file has been recorded, you IP noted, but we have a few gaps in our information. Can you please supply us with your name and address? Where and when you purchased the game and from whom, and the publishers name. I will then personally send you the $4 dollars that you paid for your copy which I suspect is pirated. Now I can’t make a fairer offer than that to a genuine gamer like yourself, and to show my goodwill on all future posting that you make to the forum I personally respond just as swiftly as I can.
However I know diddly squat about the technical aspect of our games, but do know a fair bit about internet piracy and IP theft, maybe we can engage in an intellectual discussion about this, for example did you know that it’s a crime.

So from here on in I will be your point of contact and can engage with you for as long as you like. I might not be able to respond as often as you would like but I will do my best to please.
There is a hidden gain in these sort of exchanges as often forum members like to engage in the cut and thrust of intellectual debate and like to join in. I am sure you won’t mind.
So, to start just send me your details, so I can see to it that you get your just desserts
Best Regards
JD M